I'm just gonna say up front that I'm thrilled this thing is only two hours long because my soul can only take so much gore. Gore that comes in the form of artists like Ke$ha and Justin Bieber with his mini hipster combover or whatever that stupid hairdo is. You know the one I mean? The hair that is brushed forward. I am old. I do not get this trend. Or maybe I am just uncool... this much I know to be true.
Oh mah gah! Here we go!!
Hour I
9.00 pm - Kicking things off with Eminem's big comeback. Where did he come back from? Didn't his record come out a while ago? Like back when Borat put his privates on Em's head? Or was that Bruno? I'm on the fence in re Mr. Mathers. Like his music.... his lyrics, perhaps not so much.
9.04 pm - I want Rihanna's boots. I'll pass on the Madonna "Like A Virgin" ensemble, though.
9.05 pm - The audience is pretending that performance was transcendent.
9.06 pm - Lindsay Lohan does... notlookgood. That's what life in the pokey will do to you.
9.07 pm - Lady Gaga has a house on her head. Oh wait! That's not Lady Gaga!! It's Chelsea Handler! My goodness, that's soooo funny.
9.09 pm - Chelsea makes some "angry black man" joke about Snoop Dogg. Wha?
9.12 pm - Handler's opening monologue is so inappropriate I can't talk about most of it here. It's also not worth mentioning. She just called Kanye the "big black elephant in the room." Enough said.
9.14 pm - Nothing says MTV generation like Ellen DeGeneres.
9.15 pm - Best Female Video goes to Lady Gaga for "Bad Romance." She is totes awesome sauce. And I'm not even making fun when I say that.
9.19 pm - Chelsea Handler is doing her best to ensure that it will be another 500 years before another woman hosts the VMAs and we're only 20 minutes in.
9.24 pm - Someone is cheering wildly for the Jackass people. Why, I'm not quite sure. They present Best Rock Video to 30 Seconds to Mars for "Kings and Queens." Jared Leto's band got popular? I really have been living under a rock. I get the same sad feeling seeing him as I do when I see Claire Danes. MSCL FOREVER!
9.29 pm - Isn't Justin Bieber like 14? So that really makes the Handler vagina jokes and Kim Kardashian's faux stalkerage a little disgusting. Hrm, he's 16 (I Googled). Well, that's so much better. He still looks 12, though. Waitaminute, if he's 16 why does his voice still sound like this? Castrati?
9.39 pm - Trey Songz and Ke$ha introduce someone I've never heard of. Tom was playing Trey Songz in the car the other day and I was muy afraid. That stuff is dirty, yo.
9.40 pm - Someone just told me this is Usher. I feel like I should be embarrassed that I didn't know, but I'm not. I am proud.
9.41 pm - Someone wishes he was Michael Jackson.
9.46 pm - Best Male Video goes to Eminem for "Not Afraid." Eminem's not even there, anymore. What a ripoff.
9.53 pm - Hey, Florence and the Machine! Something I'm actually excited about! I like most of this record and everything even though Eat, Pray, Love tried to destroy "Dog Days." Well, I was sort of hoping this would be a band performance and not Florence and the cast of Hair but this is the VMAs.
Okay, it's 10... time for Hour I to hit the presses. See you again when it's all over. Hey lookit! N.E.R.D.!
Hour II
10.04 pm - Chelsea Handler is draining me of my will to live.
10.05 pm - Best Pop Video goes to Lady Gaga for "Bad Romance." Didn't I write that sentence earlier? She is presented her awards first by Ellen DeGeneres and then by Ellen DeGeneres' double Jane Lynch whom I lurv.
10.08 pm - Replaying the Kanye West incident before Taylor Swift sings some lame song where the first line is "I guess you really did it this time" is just the worst. In the intro they made it sound like this solemn song was written in response to West's interruption as if a) the VMAs are really that important and b) that incident didn't garner her positive press that probably netted her millions of bucks. I'm going to go vomit now. If this song really is about Kanye I'm going to throw up twice.
10.25 pm - I can't see Drake without thinking Degrassi. Sorry, dude.
10.32 pm - The VMA's have a lot of commercials. That is probably the most exciting observation I've made all night.
10.36 pm - Best Hip Hop video goes to Eminem. Zzzzzzz...
10.36 pm - JWoww was looking so demure earlier. But now, in the hot tub... I don't want to make flotation device jokes but her implants are highly ridiculous.
10.46 pm - Someone with attractive orange hair is warbling on the VMAs but I'm being distracted by angry Chelsea Handler fans who are telling me to -insert swear word here- off on Twitter.
10.48 pm - Thank you, Yael. The orange haired girl is the singer from Paramore.
10.55 pm - Justin Bieber just won something. Should I care what?
10.56 pm - Linkin Park is attempting a comeback. They really were gone. Right? Oh my God they're at the Griffith Park Observatory!! They're desecrating sacred ground! Case of the vapors, I has them.
11.06 pm - Viva Cher! She doesn't need to turn back time because that bananas outfit still fits!!
11.07 pm - Lady Gaga wins Video of the Year. Who's not happy for Lady Gaga? No one. Her next album will be titled Born This Way. She cries and everything.
11.09 pm - Here comes Kanye. Kanye vs Swift. West, FTW.
Okay, this is the final photopost from Summer Tour 2010 because a) the tour is over, b) I'm running out of photos and c) you're probably getting tired of them by now.
If you're looking for posts I and II, you can find them here and here. (For larger views, click on the shot.)
Now, I have space to fill and here's some nice boys and bears to fill it.
"Tower, we are cleared for takeoff." - Pooch Is My Copilot
When going to San Francisco it really is best to wear some flowers in your hair.
I wouldn't leave you without a standard Jim shot.
Getting Mile High
That Tom is rather elegant, I must say.
This is where I pretended I was at a Cure concert.
The most valuable treasures are the ones kept hidden. Or so I hear. I don't really hear that. I just made that up.
Hey lookit! Patrick didn't really spontaneously combust.
And the sun was bright that night we rode into town.
You are being watched... at all times. For some reason I am reminded of Nancy Drew.
Airport time to say farewell.
And that's all she wrote. For now. I'll be back with more MMJ goodtimes in October when the band does their five night run at New York City's Terminal 5. I'll also be at the Yum! Center show.
Live Blogging The Emmys - Baby We Were Born To Run
And without further ado...
Hour I
8.07 pm - I never thought I'd be saying this but host Jimmy Fallon'sGlee number was one of the best awards show openers I've seen in ages. I'm still having trouble getting on board with Mad Men but Jon Hamm's awesome sauciness cannot be denied and seeing him get dance instruction by Betty White = phwoar!
8.10 pm - Oh... a montage. Already? The Year in Comedy... was funnier than this montage would lead you to believe.
8.12 pm - Eric Stonestreet wins the first award of the evening, Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Comedy. I can't tell if Jesse Tyler Ferguson is crying because he's happy for his on-screen husband or sad because he lost. I'll be gracious and say I'm sure it must be the former. Tom and I do love the Modern Family.
8.18 pm - John Hodgeman's color commentary is sly, delish and full of dish.
8.20 pm - Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd take Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series for Modern Family. Are we in for a sweep?
8.23 pm - Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series goes to Jane Lynch for Glee. She doesn't look overly surprised and gives what will probably be one of the best acceptance speeches of the eve. She also looks divine in her eggplant taffeta. I will avoid making any obvious track suit jokes.
8.31 pm - Ryan Murphy wins Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series for Glee. So, do any shows exist tonight besides Modern Family and Glee? I'm starting to doubt it. They might just give the drama awards to them, as well.
8.37 pm - The cast of Modern Family shows us that they have several excellent possible future plotlines, all of which include George Clooney.
8.38 pm - Jim Parsons wins Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for The Big Bang, a show I never watch. This would happen right after I say Glee and Modern Family are going to win everything.
8.44 pm - Lead Actress in a Comedy Series goes to Edie Falco for Nurse Jackie. The other nominees all have happy face on while Falco looks shocked. There are a lot of orange ladies at the Emmys tonight.
8.47 pm - Umm, did Kim Kardashian just sing for a few seconds? And cue montage... for The Year in Reality. This doesn't look like reality to me, you guys. Reality does not involve Bret Michaels, Pamela Anderson and Simon Cowell. Or, mine doesn't, anyway.
8.50 pm - The Emmy goes to Top Chef for Outstanding Reality-Competition Program. They're the first people to get played off after droning on about husbands, wives and girlfriends or something.
8.57 pm - Hey, they haven't had a montage in ten minutes... I think it's time for The Year in Drama!! McDreamy got shot this year?!!! OMG! Should I care? I don't care.
Hour II
9.02 pm - Hour II kicks off with Mad Men winning Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. Whoever this young woman is with Matthew Weiner, she's toast. Does anyone remember Kater Gordon, who won last year... and mysteriously left the show right after? Yeah... or was that only mysterious to me?
9.04 pm - I have no idea who Aaron Paul is but apparently he's in Breaking Bad. And he just won Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama. My boss at SXSW loves that show, but I already spend too much time watching TV. There's no room in the sched for meth dealers in New Mexico.
9.10 pm - Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series has so many excellent nominees but I am psyched, I tell you, that Archie Panjabi takes it for The Good Wife, my favorite new show. If you're not watching, you should be. It has so many I'm rewinding to hear those lines again moments, and Panjabi as Kalinda Sharma is one of the two best characters on the show. (Alan Cumming as Eli Gold is the other.)
9.13 pm - Lead Actor in a Drama goes to Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad, that show I just told you I don't have time to watch. Hugh Laurie's pretending (though not very well) to look touched when Cranston says, "You were robbed" to his fellow nominees.
9.20 pm - Man, I can't wait to watch True Blood when this is over.
9.23 pm - Steve Shill, who's English and comes from the Lake District, wins Outstanding Direction for a Drama Series for Dexter.
9.25 pm - Jimmy Fallon is killing it as host. I was fully prepared for this to be disasterland. His farewell ditty to Law & Order is bittersweet, though, as I'm still full of angry that it's gone before what would have been its historic 21st season.
9.32 pm - I bet Julianna Margulies wins and holy crap she doesn't as Kyra Sedgwick (wut?) wins for The Closer. Oh God, she just said, "My cast." We all know how much I hate that, right? Hearing "my" anyone unless it's your mother, father, husband, or kids should be verboten at these things.
9.35 pm - Fallon and Stephen Colbert are exchanging some patter that Conan O'Brien does not seem to find amusing as he looks on without laughter. They're singing an intro to, you guessed it, a montage! The Year in Variety includes loads of Jay Leno jokes and some Olympic torch lighting. And by Jay Leno jokes I mean jokes at Jay Leno's expense.
9.40 pm - The Tonys win something. I don't know what exactly but they beat The Kennedy Center Honors. Oh, it's Outstanding Variety Program. Well, that makes, err, sense.
9.41 pm - Oh man, the "They Died" montage is coming up. Where's my tissues?
9.49 pm - Could I love Ricky Gervais any more? I'm not sure it's possible. He gives it to Mel Gibson and then he gives the Emmy for Directing a Variety, Music or Comedy Special to Bucky Gunts for The Olympics Opening Ceremony.
9.53 pm - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart wins Best Variety, Music or Comedy Shows. It's tough... I think I might like Colbert more even though he's never had My Morning Jacket on. That's the dream, people! Well, one of mine, anyway. I hope Stephen Colbert is reading this right now but I bet he isn't.
Hour III
10.00 pm - They make Julianna Margulies look so severe on The Good Wife, but she's a total babe. She's here to present the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award to George Clooney. GC gives an impressive, sobering speech about the need for keeping the spotlight on disasters in the world long after the cameras have gone.
10.05 pm - And thank goodness we can lift ourselves from that heaviness with... a montage! The Year in Miniseries and Movies features scenes from a lot of great television I never bothered to watch.
10.06 pm - Is January Jones' dress made of plastic? Versace's doing plastic... well, better than fur, right? Oh, Julia Ormond wins for Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie for Temple Grandin. She gets played off to utterances of "chick flicks with bulls balls." No, I am not making that up.
10.15 pm - I can't help but feel sort of sad whenever I see Claire Danes because Angela Chase is all grown up. Good to see that Latisse is working out for her. Those lashes are crazy. So is her Armani Privé dress. She hands over the Emmy for Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie to David Strathairn who rambles on about teachers.
10.18 pm - "I wrote this song for a friend of mine who passed away from cancer." - Jewel. And cue the "In Memoriam" montage. Ohh, Jimmy Dean. Man, Pernell Roberts was a hottie. The applause for Corey Haim is barely a smattering. And the winner for most popular passed away actor is... Dennis Hopper.
10.28 pm - I'm going to predict Claire Danes... and I'm right. She wins Outstanding Actress in a Miniseries/Movie for Temple Grandin. Can we get back to the interesting categories now?
10.36 pm - This is usually the part of the show where fatigue sets in but I'll admit it, Alexander Skarsgard in a tux just woke me up. A little. Temple Grandin wins something else. Direction? Yes. You go, Mick Jackson.
10.38 pm - Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries/Movies goes to Al Pacino for You Don't Know Jack, which also won the writing Emmy. Good lord, even Al got the spray tan. That so many celebrities are sporting Snookiskin has me shaking my head.
10.46 pm - Outstanding Miniseries is won by The Pacific which I find hilarious as there was only one other nominee.
10.48 pm - Made for TV Movie's big winner is Temple Grandin. I think Temple Grandin was the only film Emmy voters watched (which is not to say it wasn't excellent, of course). Moving along now...
10.51 pm - Weird, they're doing Outstanding Drama Series first? And they got Magnum PI to deliver the goods to Mad Men. You can feel the shock in Hollywood all the way in Kentucky. Yes, that was a joke.
10.57 pm - It's the end. And the end is a victorious Modern Family who take home the prize for Outstanding Comedy Series. Oh my, get a load of Manny and his fedora!
11.00 pm - Thanks for sticking with it. I'm off to bond with the vampires.
Here's another spate of photox from the good ol' My Morning Jacket Summer Tour. If you're looking for part I, it's here. Part III is here.
We laughed, we cried, we finally got Denise into a permanent dress. Thank God because that nudist thing was not working for me.
Once again, click the pics to see them in a larger state. Steal the pics and they will haunt your dreams.
The lads are in Pittsburgh tonight with my favorite tall person Daniel Martin Moore opening. I am so full of sadness not to be there.
"I heard there was a party here? I am ready to party!" - Denise.
This is one of those Spinal Tap moments. Spontaneous drummer combustion.
You've heard of it, right?
Does the cape make the man?
Is that an Omnichord I see? No. Really. Is it? Maybe I ought to pop over to the MMJ forum and ask...
You know those slidey puzzles where you make a picture? That's what this looks like. It also looks like some hands.
"My Carl."
I love when the boyos seem happy onstage. Not that they aren't generally but, well, you know what I mean.
Tom the devil. I know I'd sell my soul... oh wait.
Chi-town was the best show of (my part of) the tour. Those peeps always bring it.
No man and no bear, apparently, can escape the wand of the TSA. Denise is rather huzzah! about the whole thing. I must say, if I wore a donkey mask through airport security I bet they'd make me take it off. Such is the power of Pooch.
I'll be back on Monday with Volume III. Actually, I'll be back before that, on Sunday, with Emmy live blogging. The snark part of my brain better get in gear sometime in the next 48 hours. See you groovy gals and guy soon.
I have way too may photos for one blog post so I'm going to spread it out over three... or four. I cut and re-cut and I'm not saying my little picts are the greatest or anything but it was just too hard to keep taking stuff out.
So here you go... ten days on tour in ten shots vol i. If you click on them they get bigger! If you steal them, they get mad.
"Why heggo!" says Pooch.
I swear more people came to that Los Angeles Greek show.
Carl has, like, the best hair. He also has a record that comes out next week.
I'm kind of fond of this photo. I'm not sure why. Probably because I have 90000000 pictures of Jim doing the same thing (singing, I guess, go figure) and in this one he is... not.
The boys that come from Kentuckyland.
Patrick... doing Patricky things.
Tom... who should not be looking at his nice wife like that.
I often think Bo is the most photogenic member of the band.
Another new fave of that Jim guy.
Okay, I don't want to make any cheesy "Stairway" jokes but I swear Jim is ascending here.
I hope you have enjoyed this offering. More to come tomorrow time.
If you're looking for part II, you can find it here. Part III is here.
Linda Park likes to watch TV, read some books, follow the politicking and look at pictures of bunnies on the internet. You can email her here or follow on Twitter @mspark.
