Right now I'm watching the Dateline NBC pre-show. Does Dateline have writers who are on strike because some of the segues in these interviews have been dreadful. The worst, I think, was when they talked about Ellen Page in X-Men and showed a clip of Kitty Pryde running with Juggernaut chasing her and the voice over went something like "Page went from X-Men to the juggernaut of Juno." B-a-r-f. Page herself seems delightful but has that strange self-possession of child actors. You know, where they sound like they're 40 or something instead of 10-15-20.

Nikki Blonsky, on the other hand, refers to herself in the third person now and calls her hair and makeup people "my team". She was awesome in Hairspray and all, but that's a bit disturbing. Don't forget you were dishing out ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery a year ago, honey.

Okay, okay, it's starting!!! Who's going to be on the red carpet?! Who will Katherine Heigl be wearing? Will Brangelina be there?!! Oh my God!! Agh! Wait, what? This is just going to be some glorified episode of Access Hollywood? Crap. Damn those writers! Damn the AMTPT! I need me some glamour! I wonder how the egos of these actors are faring knowing they won't get to look attractive while spouting gratitude to their agents and attorneys along with some heartfelt words about the troops and their mothers. Or fathers. I feel like mothers get singled out way more than fathers.

Okay, here we go...

Best Supporting Actress Film: Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There. The dude (who is this modern marvel of milquetoast, anyway? Oh, his name is Billy Bush) is shocked. "At the end of the day, with Cate Blanchett, it's a woman imitating a man." Err... yeah. Your last name is Bush, huh? Figures.

Nancy O'Dell looks like a) she's had some work done and b) her spray tan technician is colorblind. I'm just glad she's not wearing that ugly ass Wendy Pepper dress. I'm still mad at her for putting Pepper in the final three on season one of Project Runway.

Best Supporting Actor TV: Jeremy Piven - Entourage. Why does he always win? That guy gives me the creeps. I love him as Ari Gold but he seems like such a self-involved jerk. Wait, I guess that's why he's so genius as AG.

Billy Bush's brilliant quote on this one: after mispronouncing Ari as "Airy", he called Entourage a boutique show and said, "not that many people have seen it."

Best Actress Drama TV: Glenn Close - Damages. I actually like that show, if you recall. Billy and Nancy are just lost without a teleprompter. I wonder if smoke will start coming out of their ears soon.

Best Supporting Actress TV: Samantha Morton - Longford. Apparently Katherine Heigl was supposed to win because this was a big year for her, according to Nancy, who told us "She got married." Well, geez. How come I didn't win any awards in 2006, then?!! Also, you know, never mind that SM could act circles around KH.

Best Actor TV: Jon Hamm - Mad Men. Haven't seen this show but it's been recommended to me by several people. Nancy is surprised Hugh Laurie didn't win because he has for the past two years. Okay... Well, then he should just win forever, I guess?

Best Animated Film: Ratatouille. Billy loves this movie. Probably because kids movies are all he can comprehend.

Best Actress Comedy or Musical Film: Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose. Well, color me shocked. I thought Amy Adams would win. Billy thought Ellen Page or Nikki Blonsky. Either way, I don't think anyone was expecting Marion Cotillard. I guess Dateline interviewed all the wrong actresses! Oops!

Best Supporting Actor Film: Javier Bardem - No Country For Old Men. Apparently Bardem used to be a stripper. I am really enjoying these fun facts O'Dell keeps dispensing. I've heard great things about his performance and Billy likens it to Darth Vader.

Best Actress Mini-Series or TV Movie: Queen Latifah - Life Support. Or as Billy says, "Queeeeeeeeen Latifah. She did it her way." I think Billy and Nancy need to go on life support. Their pundit counterparts aren't much better. Their discussion about Marion Cotillard included very little about her performance and was really all about how it would have been great if she could have walked the red carpet so we could see how beautiful she really is (because apparently Edith Piaf was a dog).

Best Actor Comedy TV: David Duchovny - Californication. Zzzzzzz. I wonder how the Red Hot Chili Peppers feel now. Apparently the Globes are spreading the wealth, says, Nancy, but don't you fret Lee Pace! You're charming so you're gonna win someday!

Best Comedy TV: Extras. Okay. I would have preferred 30 Rock, but it's hard to argue with Ricky Gervais' painful genius. Speaking of HBO "boutique shows", I bet even fewer people have seen Extras than Entourage, Billy!

Best Actress Comedy TV: Tina Fey - 30 Rock. Yay!!! I love TF and Liz Lemon. However, I will confess that her drunk dialing the co-op board bothered me a little. She's too clever and smart a woman to do something that desperate and stupid, right? TF is brilliant, though, and if I believed in heroes, she would be one of mine. Blarg.

Best Director Film: Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. I have got to see this film. Everyone out there should run run run to read the book. It's beautiful, haunting and remarkable. I've read nothing but great reviews for the adaptation. I'm a little bummed that this big of an upset is only marked by Billy Bush's blank stare.

Best Actor Comedy or Musical Film: Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd. Go Kentucky! Whooo! Go my former boss! Whooo! Yeah! Okay, whatever. Billy needs his own sitcom. This guy is comedy gold. He is totally making this telecast.

Best Film Comedy or Musical: Sweeney Todd. I haven't seen this. I'm afraid to. It looks pretty delicious, though, and as Billy says, "You know, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, that, when you get that kind of collaboration like Scorsese and DiCaprio or something, it just seems to be able to pull it off together it's brilliant and congratulations."

Best Drama TV: Mad Men. "What a night for Jon Hamm! It's just a great sleek sexy show, early 60s Madison Avenue, although there's a lot of smoking going on in the movie and the the actors better have good insurance." Guess who said that?! Betcha can't figure it out! Yup, my boy Billy! He is AWESOME!

Best Actress Drama Film: Julie Christie - Away from Her. Go Sarah Polley!

Best Actor Drama Film: Daniel Day Lewis - There Will Be Blood. Billy says, "He is really the real deal." My friend George raved about DDL's performance, but I have a big PT Anderson bias I'm trying to get past.

Best Drama Film: Atonement. I guess I sort of have to watch it. It looks like a snoozefest, though.

That's all she wrote, folks. Ironically, no writer awards announced! You can find the rest of the winners here.

Thank you and good night!
Ms. P

Labels: awards shows, billy bush, dateline nbc, golden globes, nancy o'dell, tv