*SECOND HOUR SPOILERS.*

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's the big finale! Night four of Clash of the Choirs and, like, holy cow, who's going to win this thing?

I am super gratified to know that I'm not the only person who thinks Maria Menounos stinks as a host because all the people Googling "Maria M sucks" and "Maria M is terrible" keep ending up on my blog. And let me tell you, it's not just one or two hits.

The show opens with some giant Christmas carol extravaganza featuring all five choirs. Then comes the news that Tracy Morgan will be on hand to announce the winner which makes me feel like I'm in the middle of a really funny 30 Rock episode and Jack Donaghy's told Tracy that he has to appear on this ridonkulous NBC reality choir competition as a way to rehab his reputation. Come to think of it, this might not be far from the truth.

Next up is a montage of Team Shelton's evolution, and we finally get a chance to hear from Pink Scarf Guy and Crying Girl. Everyone loves each other, etc etc. Blake is back on his acoustic guitar (which does appear to be plugged into... something. I still can't hear it, though). The choir sings Kool & the Gang's "Celebration" and I'm reminded of line dancing in the 6th grade. This show is amateur hour in the best possible way.

Except when it comes to Maria Moronos. But not when it comes to cutie pie Blake Shelton! How I'm going to miss ol' BS even if I'm still a little grossed out by that lame song he performed last night.

Now it's time to take a trip down memory lane to... four nights ago (my gosh, it seems ever so far away!) when this all began with Patti LaBelle's auditions in Philly. One of the girls says, "It will be hard to go back to reality after this." I do wonder about these people, I hope they'll be okay when they have to go back to Dilbertland or wherever they work in real life. I think Patti's awesome, but I am a little disturbed by the lack of movement in her face. However, as Oprah once said, "Black don't crack," so maybe she's just blessed with great genes and it's not cow poison injections. Team LaBelle does "No More Drama", a song that samples "Nadia's Theme" (or, if you prefer, the theme from The Young and the Restless). Miss Patti's got some real singers, I gotta hand it to her. If she doesn't win I think everyone will be shocked. Everyone being Tom and me in this case.

Okay, did anyone notice the Biggest Loser banner at the bottom of the screen that said "Januaray" instead of "January"?

Patti's featuring her choir at her New Year's Eve show. That's pretty groovy.

Now it's on to Team Lachey and their little "Making the Choir" promo. It's nice to get a short glimpse of Will & Ariel Underwood once again. Cincinnati's singing "What a Wonderful World" and there be some dulcet tones - or there were until the blonde girl soloist blew it. However, she sounds better than I ever do so what do I know? Oh crap, she just told a really sad story after I said something mean. I'm a jerk.

Tracy Morgan and Ice Cube are starring in some choir movie. Doesn't this seem kind of, oh, I don't know, weird? The movie is called First Sunday and Tom wonders if it's another installment in the Friday franchise. Anyway, this is why Tracy's here. I feel much better understanding his presence on the show.

Team Rowland's belting out the Destiny's Child hit "Survivor". I bet Kelly's really enjoying this opportunity to sing Bouncy's parts. Maria Menounos tries to talk to Lindsay (the Hurricane Katrina girl for whom the song meant so much) and shoves the mic in someone else's face. Whoever hired this dimwit needs to lose his/her job. If Clash of the Choirs returns it better return with Cat Deeley!

Okay, I cannot freaking believe this, but NBC really screwed the pooch here. They listed the finale as a one hour show therefore I and everyone else who DVR'ed the show missed the last hour!!! What the hell?! I popped on over to NBC's website and lots of people are complaining. I bet whoever hired Maria Mebrainless was also repsonsible for this mistake.

I guess Team Lachey won because a) I just read an article that said GE will donate $50k to all the losing choir's charities and mentioned every one but Cincy, and b) lots of people at NBC.com are ranting about how "white America cannot stomach it." "It" being an African American woman's choir winning? Or is "it" Patti LaBelle? Either way, I certainly hope this isn't the view of most of "white America".

I am clearly not a psychic as I never thought Team Lachey would win. I guess "Flight of the Bumblebee" put them over the top.

My internet pal Jason made a comment before I watched the show about Michael Bolton possibly pointing at Patti at the end of this show (that I DID NOT SEE BECAUSE NBC SUCKS) so I guess Michael and his chest hair expected her to win, too.

Well, that was really anti-climactic. If I ever see the dramatic conclusion, I'll, uh, oh who bloody cares!

I'm free from the tyranny of COTC and Maria Me-not in Mensa-nos! I'm free!!

This damn writers' strike BETTER END SOON!

Koosh ball,
Ms. P

Labels: blake shelton, clash of the choirs, kelly rowland, maria menounos, michael bolton, music, nbc sucks, nick lachey, patti labelle, tracy morgan, tv