Well, it's night three (of four) of Clash of the Choirs. It's taken me three nights to figure out who this host lady is. Apparently she's on Access Hollywood and her name is Maria Menounos. Neither of these facts change the fact that she is the Queen of Suck City.

Team Bolton is in the bottom two once again. Well, I called that one. Let's see if they slide through again.

Someone please please explain to me how that mediocre messy version of "I've Got Friends in Low Places" kept Team Lachey safe!! Who is voting on this thing? The same people who voted for Bush, I bet. Pffft. Am I the only magenta-haired snooty Asian liberal who's watching this wholesome family programming and developing a bizarre inexplicable mini-crush on Blake Shelton? I am, aren't I? I feel like such a rebel.

Team LaBelle is doing some song about Jesus and driving. Patti says she's been in a lot of contests and never won one. She also thanks the band that no one's mentioned. That's pretty classy. Oh God, now we have to hear some freakin' testimonial about how the Jesus driving song helped save some chick. It's ok, it's ok... It's a show about choirs, I should have expected this. They fooled me with the Bon Jovi stuff, but I should have known. Nick Lachey says that any song that mentions "Cincinnati" and "Jesus" is okay by him. From what I remember of Cincy, I think that city could use a visit from Jesus.

Speaking of Lachey, his choir's up next with "The Flight of the Bumblebee". Tom says the women are creeping him out (yes, the hub has finally arrived in Austin!) I'm sure people will be impressed with these vocal gymnastics. It's definitely better than the Garth Brooks. "Wowwww," says Maria. She's AWESOME. Is she wearing Herve Leger? Are those elastic band dresses making a comeback?

Oooh, it's elimination time... farewell New Haven. How are we supposed to live without Team Bolton??! Maria says there's a big surprise tomorrow that will make everyone happy. I bet the big surprise is that all the charities will get huge donations. It better be! The fact that this is for charity is one of the main reasons I'm watching and trying to temper my forked tongue.

Team Shelton are thrilled to compete once more. Blakey's clothes are so normal tonight. What up with that? He's also not playing along on his acoustic guitar! My world is tilting off its axis! The choir kicks it old school with a rumbly version of "Home". Sounds purty good - nice and dark. If I wasn't too lazy to vote, I'd probably call 1-877-6-CHOIR3. "Blake, I love those little foot stomps!" chirps Maria.

Blake seems a little sweet on Nick... Maybe they'll be organizing Team Provincetown on next year's show.

We're treated to some charity montages and Christmas songs and then it's farewell night three! Who, oh who, will be the big winner?! I think as we've seen, we're all winners when it comes to Clash of the Choirs!

Here's a recap of the charities each choir is singing for:
Team Lachey - The Children's Hospital of Cincinnati
Team Rowland - Bread of Life
Team Bolton - Domestic Violence Services of New Haven and The Yale Child Study Center Family Support Services
Team Shelton - Army MWR and Project Rebuild
Team LaBelle - The Abramson Cancer Center and With Our Voices

Toodle-oo,
Ms. P

ps. The show draws to a conclusion with LaBelle singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Tom says she tore it up.

pps. I just heard Blake sing. I was right - I wish I hadn't. "She's too dumb to run and I'm too drunk to swim" ??? Maybe he's talking about a car? Or a Tootsie Roll?

Labels: blake shelton, charity, clash of the choirs, kelly rowland, maria menounos, michael bolton, music, patti labelle, tv