The MTV Movie Awards are... I mean, are they even real? They seem a bit like if you show up you can get an award but occasionally I've been amused. Where else can you see Jonah Hill hanging out on the red (or in this case gold) carpet with The Rock (although I think he goes by Dwayne Johnson these days)?

7.30 - The lesbian contestant from America's Next Top Model, Kim Stoltz, is interviewing Audrina from The Hills. Kim is way cuter than The Hills chick and I was very excited that she did the intro for a My Morning Jacket MTV piece recently.

7.32 - Ellen Page looks confused. She's with Jason Bateman who's making lame jokes about helicopters. I liked Jason in Arrested Development and all but he kind of creeped me out in Juno. He's talking about Hancock. I want to see that movie.

7.34 - Speaking of Hancock, here's Will Smith... with Charlize Theron and Anne Hathaway (ok, that's random). Charlize looks bored while Anne's talking. Anne's leather dress isn't doing anything for me but neither is Charlize's bustier which looks rather Jean Paul Gaultier circa Madonna.

7.36 - Here's three people I've never heard of who star in a movie called American Mall that sounds like a musical. A bad one. Oh, it's made by the people who brought you High School Musical. CAN'T WAIT!

7.40 - Coldplay looks uncomfortable which makes me like them more. Their Cirque du Soleil marching band costumes are a bit... unfortunate, though. At least they're not wearing douchey hats and skinny jeans.

7.42 - Laura Bell Bundy and some Elle Woods wannabes are ... oh who cares.

7.43 - Some other person I've never heard of is accepting an award for Movie Spoof Winner (he did a Juno thing).

7.44 - The ladies of The House Bunny. Crap, I am out of touch. I haven't heard of half these movies or half of these people. Katharine McPhee is one of them?! And Rumer Willis? And this is about a Playboy bunny? Okay, I guess I have heard of these people... I don't want to see them in a movie about Playboy Bunnies, though...

7.49 - Diddy's here to have a good time. He has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame now.

7.50 - The Pussycat Dolls. I'm sure I've told the story about how I used to book them at The Viper Room and they would walk around and ask each other if their butts looked big? That was fun. They're with some guy called TI. Texas Instruments?

7.51 - Stephenie Meyer is introducing a clip for Twilight! Oh Boy! I confess I really am looking forward to this movie. I've totally read all the books. For reals! Teenage vampires rule! I mean 200 year old vampires who look like teenagers rule! And look, there's Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. He was way cute in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'm not sure about Kristen Stewart with black hair, but I've liked her ever since Panic Room.

7.57 - Sarah Jessica Parker, Willie Garson and... Brendan Fraser??? Brendan Fraser is annoying...

7.58 - But not as annoying as Paris Hilton and Benji Madden (insert gagging sound here). Those Madden twins turned out to be quite the social climbers, didn't they? How very punk rock. About as punk rock as Good Charlotte was. Or is, I guess. I think their lame band is still together. Lucky us.

Okay... let's get this party started... or whatever it is the kids say today...

Back in a bit with a recap of the show,
Ms. P

Labels: awards shows, celebrities, film, mtv movie awards, mtv movie awards pre-show, music, tv