Get your Oscar night started with Radar's Rad Lib Acceptance Speech Generator.

(I didn't find this on my own, you can read Paul Scheer's funny results here.)

I'm busy being mildly annoyed by Ryan Seacrest (who told Tom Wilkinson he sounds pretentious), Giuliana Rancic and Kimora Lee Simmons. Jason Bateman was just talking about his socks. Now they're showing Photoshopped pictures of Javier Bardem's bizarro No Country For Old Men hairstyle on random celebrities. On Helen Mirren... how very... interesting.

The dresses look pretty good so far. I guess Heidi Klum's Galliano number would be the highlight. I haven't seen a full on klunker yet. Hrm. How am I going to make fun of people?

Seacrest just said if he had a fragrance it would be called "Insecurity." This makes me like him just a little bit.

Saoirse Ronan from Atonement is rather witty, but preternaturally poised child actors kind of freak me out. You know, when they're 13 and sound 30.

Okay, John Travolta just showed up. Kelly Preston's Roberto Cavalli dress is pretty awesome. Kelly Preston appears to need attention. Scientologists are weird.

Ooh, look, it's The Rock. I hope my friend Priscilla is watching. He's pretty cute for a built dude. Normally that sort of thing repels me.

I'm really trying to leave, but the stars keep coming! Damn! here comes James MacAvoy. His wife's dress is excellent. Whoa! Seth Rogan's girlfriend is sporting some major cleavage. I hope they don't fall out, it's looking rather dangerous.

I am perplexed by Daniel Day Lewis' rather large (for a man) hoop earrings. I have to confess, earrings on men... not a look I find compelling. Or attractive.

Whew, commercial break. Back when the ABC red carpet stuff starts!

I'm hungry,
Ms. P

Labels: academy awards, awards shows, celebrities, oscars, tv