I'm watching the Red Carpet coverage before the 15th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, and I must confess I get a little icked out over the SAG awards because narcissists congratulating themselves... euw, right?

Anyway, the Red Carpet stuff could not have been more lame unless you like watching Giuliana Rancid talk about Scarlett Johansson's toes. I shuddered writing that sentence. I really did.

So on to the awards... I feel sorry for anyone up against Tina Fey for anything this year. Just give up. You don't even need to be there. Fey takes home Best Actress in a TV Comedy and then we're on to Best Actor. Alec Baldwin wins (of course), says he wants to make out with Anthony Hopkins, and thanks the cast but specifies some strange choices (Judah Friedlander). I'm officially confused.

The cast of 30 Rock just won Best Comedy Series Ensemble... this is getting boring. Jane Krakowski and her boobs accept the award, and she is not nearly as funny as Tina Fey or Tracy Morgan (who accepted at the Golden Globes).

Kate Winslet wins Best Supporting Actress Film for The Reader. Am I watching The Golden Globes again? Wake me up when this is over.

It is homage to fug dresses night. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? Guess Rachel Zoe can't dress everyone, y'all.

Best Actor in a TV Drama goes to Hugh Laurie for House. Love him! Best Actress, Sally Field for Brothers and Sisters. Guess they still really really like her. Not sure I do, though, after that boring speech. Boniva!

Does Josh Brolin seem like a huge douche to everyone or just me?

Next up is Best Ensemble in a Drama Series... and the winner is the cast of Mad Men. So many white dudes... did minorities not have jobs in the 60s? Shatner looks pissed. Jon Hamm better watch his back tonight!

Forest Whitaker presents the Lifetime Acheivement Award to Darth Vader... I mean James Earl Jones. I own his reading of the Bible on CD, but I haven't listened yet because while I love JEJ, I do not know if I love the Bible. He gives a sweet acceptance speech and barely talks about himself. Classy gent, that Mr. Jones.

Holy crap, Ernest Borgnine is still alive?! He certainly is and gives Best Actress in a TV Movie to "would you believe" Laura Linney. Alec Baldwin looks perturbed for some reason.

Paul Giammatti wins Best Actor in a TV Movie... just like at the Golden Globes... only this time he's not there.

Susan Sarandon does the In Memoriam... not ten minutes after losing Best Actress in a TV Movie. Good thing she didn't have to look happy. Cyd Charisse was so hot. Robert Prosky died? And Paul Benedict? Tear. Good ol' Patrick McGoohan. These things always make me cry.

Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor... and it's accepted by Gary Oldman. I guess nothing's gonna stop the Heath train. I was curiously saddened by his death. And I didn't just write "curiously" because Brad Pitt is now pressenting.

Damn, we're at Best Actress already? Is Kate gonna repeat her GG double win? DENIED!!! The other noms put on their happy face as Meryl Streep looks shocked as she runs down the aisle and gives a fairly fab speech. I just noticed the actor has a package. Goodness!!

Best Actor goes to Sean Penn for Milk. OMG!!! He just talked about how the actor has a healthy package! Seannie P and I are, like, totally of one mind! Sadly, the rest of his speech is a bit incomprehensible (was he dissing TV actors?), but then again, so is this post so our kismet continues.

The cast of Slumdog Millionaire takes home Best Ensemble Cast. The movie was darling but were the performances better than those in Frost/Nixon, Doubt or Milk?!!! Really?? I am rather baffled but happy enough as this will probably never happen again for them while everyone else might well be nominated again next year for something or other. Anil Kapoor makes a sweet speech dedicating the award to the kids and The End.

I have to say, there were some touching moments even though I snarked on actors and their me-dom. And, at two hours, it's a blessedly short ceremony.

Next up, the Oscars!

Labels: awards shows, celebrities, film, sag, sag awards, tv