And only because it's Disco Night. I think I've watched one episode this season. I don't know my Anoop from my Adam and only know that much because of my friend Paula.

8.02 pm - Ryan Seacrest looks strange. Age is catching up to ol Ry Ry.

8.03 pm - The final seven are a motley crew, but unfortunately they are not Motley Crue.

8.04 pm - Is this girl really called Lil Rounds? Really? Really??!! Tom says her figure is like a Barbie Doll. If this is how Disco Night is gonna go, I'm screwed. That version of Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman" blew. The judges agree.

8.07 pm -Paula Abdul loves her some Botox, apparently. OMG, Vince Neil is in the crowd, and I just made a Motley Crue joke! Kismet!

8.13 pm - A dude is doing Donna Summer. A dude who thinks he's the love child of Jack Johnson and John Mayer is doing Donna Summer. Every time I write this sentence it's going to get worse. Kris Allen is making me cry. I heart this song, and he's RUINING IT. Maybe deciding to watch disco night wasn't such a great idea.

8.15 pm - Who is this new judge? Does anyone like her? I don't think anyone likes her.

8.18 pm - This critique is making me have Karaoke Revolution American Idol Encore 2 flashbacks.

8.23 pm - "September." Another song near and dear to my heart. Who is this goofball with the George Michael facial hair? Danny Gokey?!! Is that a jokey?!! I'm going to stick a knife in my eye over this warmed over Michael Bolton wannabe. Gack. Oh look, Vince Neil is impressed.

8.25 pm - Why does Randy Jackson call everyone "dog?" Or is it "dawg?"

8.26 pm - I know I sound mean and snarky-like but really, I would rather be impressed! Seriously!

8.27 pm - Paula is on crack. Thank God for Simon and his ill-fitting translucent t-shirt tellin' it like it is.

8.29 pm - I want to like Allison Iraheta because she's pretty cute and is channeling her inner Janis, but eesh. Sometimes channeling your inner Janis means sounding like a cat being strangled. Still, she's the least odious performer thus far... by far. "Hot Stuff" indeed.

8.34 pm - This Burger King Spongebob "I like square butts" commercial is just wrong.

8.35 pm - On another note, I'm on a diet and these Skinny Cow ice cream things are not great. Boo hoo.

8.37 pm - Oh man, I was so ready to hate on this Michael Damian meets Paul King (yeah I'm from the 80s!) lookalike Adam Lambert, but he kinda did something melancholy and sweet with Yvonne Elliman's "If I Can't Have You" (another fave).

8.41 pm - Paula Abdul is seriously outer limits.

8.47 pm - Oh look, it's Justin Timberlake without the sense of rhythm. Actually, it's Matt Giraud singing a meh version of "Stayin' Alive." Why do hats that were once cute now signify a certain sense of doucheyness? Douchieness? Kinda bums me out.

8.49 pm - In case you were wondering, yes I do feel sort of guilty being such a snoot machine right after seeing all these people's families. I have a heart! Sort of.

8.54 pm - Oh, it's the Anoop! His outfit confuses me. I can't tell if it's hip hop preppy or I work on Wall Street, and I'm in the Hamptons for the weekend preppy. Someone please enlighten me. Anoop Desai can hold a note, but his voice isn't right for Donna Summer's "Dim All the Lights." AND SIMON AGREES WITH ME, OF COURSE! Simon and me... we're like this.

8.55 pm - I don't know what "this" is.

8.59 pm - What? It's over already?! Well, that was easy! Easiest live blogging ever!

9.00 pm - The end.

Labels: american idol, music, paula abdul, randy jackson, ryan seacrest, simon cowell, tv